Navigating Addiction With Your Child: You Are Going To Be OK, with Brenda Zane
Host: Brenda Zane, brenda@brendazane.com
Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Free ebook: “HINDSIGHT: 3 Things I Wish I Knew When My Son Was Misusing Drugs, by Brenda Zane. Download here
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Hopestream Community
Our nonprofit collection of educational and support services for parents when your child is misusing drugs or alcohol. Learn more and consider making a tax-deductible donation at www.hopestreamcommunity.org.
About this episode:
Hi Friend. We've made it to the conclusion of 2023.
In this final solo episode of the year, I debated extensively (with myself) and decided to present you with a gift.
I want to offer you a few heartfelt words, filled with optimism and resilience, no matter where you may find yourself in The Journey.
This brief episode can be saved and played during tough times, and I strongly urge you to share it with someone you know who may be facing their own struggles - not just the challenges of parenthood.
Here's to anticipating another year of bonding, hope, and healing in 2024.
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Hi, friend. Well, it's the last solo episode of 2023 and you would not believe how many times I've started to outline what I wanted to share with you. Top 10 lists, three things I learned this year, how to wind down [00:01:30] 2023. I've learned to create a lot of pressure for myself around episodes like this. Ones that feel like milestones, and I know that's silly because people listen to podcasts whenever they find them. Not necessarily in any order, still like to torture myself with it for some reason. In the end, I decided to scrap all the other iterations and just go with my heart, which is usually the right approach anyway.
And if I sound a little funny, it's because I'm on the rebound from a nasty case of covid. And despite all my tricks to speed up the healing, it is going pretty slowly. So I have my eucalyptus mint tea with me and some essential oils diffusing in the background, and I hope to make it through this without sounding too terribly sick.
Usually when I'm working on a solo episode, I try to find some space and tap into truths that I think you'll be able to relate to. And when I got still and I went inward for this episode, what came to me was, you are going to be okay. You are going to be okay.
And you may already know this because you're on the imaginary other side of your child's darkest days, as I am, I hope. yet these words are still for you and me because there is no lifetime guarantee on recovery. Just like there's no lifetime guarantee on anything. We need a lighthouse for what's to come. We have our own [00:03:00] recovery work to work on forever,
And despite all counter-evidence, you may have to this statement, that you will be okay, I believe it is true, because I see proof every day. And I truly believe as simple as it sounds, if you keep this mantra deep, deepen your heart as the flag in your emotional and spiritual homeland, it will walk you through your hardest days.
So I would love for you to slow down if you're multitasking, see if you can just single task for the next seven or so minutes. Try to get so very quiet in your mind. Get still in your heart. Let the outside world slip away. For these moments, just give yourself the gift of complete presence.
You might wanna take a deep breath and let it out loudly. Sometimes it feels good to just breathe. Fill up your lungs, fill up your voice,
This isn't necessarily a meditation, they're just simply words that came through me for you today.
My strongest, bravest friend, whether you're in the thick of the storm or on the far shore, shaking yourself dry, warming your bones. I know the searing pain and aftershocks that tear through you some days, stealing both breath and [00:04:30] hope with surprising stealth.
I know the albatross of misplaced guilt, first socking a punch, inviting you to wrestle, then weighing down the air, neither of you the winner.
I know the tears your pillow has absorbed.
And you will be okay.
I know the spicy stew of emotions you simmer in, some sweet and savory, some bitter. threatening to spoil the pot.
And even so, don't barricade yourself against these unwanted feelings, using your precious energy to keep them out. Instead invite them in.
Have tea with anger when it calls. Ask what lessons it brings and what truths you might unearth in its company.
For no emotion outstays its welcome once your heart makes space for its teaching.
This is the dance. Control. Let go. Accept. Let be.
Control offers the illusion of power. The near enemy of connection. Don't be fooled by its offer, as it will wear you down and erect walls between you and those you seek to control.
What if instead you made space for the unknown, the uncomfortable?
Oh, hi unknown. I don't like you, but let's lay down our weapons and get to know each other.
What you might discover is a new bloom. Freedom. Ease. Metamorphosis tucked into the painful corners of this war you didn't want.
A war that's blown you off course from your destination.
The greatest deception, though, is the destination. Don't let your seeking of an ephemeral endpoint rob you of the quiet shaded patios where you're meant to rest and rejoice along the way.
Rest. Rejoice.
You've arrived. You are inside your wild, beautiful life. It's asking, are you there? Are you awake? Will you let me show you all I have for you?
Set aside those plans and expectations. Let's dance.
And you will be okay.
My friend, don't believe you've been shortchanged, cheated, punished, called out because you suffer. Is the pearl offended as it's being tumbled and polished by rough sand?
You, dear one, are being ever so lovingly polished.
You're hand crafting the gift of breaking the cycle, one that will impact the lives of your great grandchildren and their grandchildren.
It is not for nothing. It is for everything.
Yes, there is a fracture where your vase once was whole. Pieces missing. Broken. Imperfect. It's not as you'd imagined. But, the liquid gold of acceptance, willingness, and love will seep into the cracks, sealing and strengthening the vase of your family, so that one day the imperfections become your most valued possessions.
Why do you continue to choose the darkness, then? To be a storm with skin that rumbles around, afraid to try on a smile?
You want someone to say, look at him, look at her, how do they carry it all? You want someone to see your pain, acknowledge the weight of it, and carry it with you.
You hold immense power. The ability to shift the mood in a room when you walk in clouded by your own storms.
There's comfort in the familiar weight of worry. It shields you like a heavy raincoat.
The courage, though, lies in pulling sunshine into the darkness, not knowing what the light might expose. Beauty, secrets, possibilities, answers.
What to do. What to do.
Find a forest. Thrash and scream at the sky. Beat a drum by a roaring fire. Howl your pain through you and give it to the earth. Give it to God. Get it out.
Don't let it make a home in your bones or they will become porous and break.
And you will be okay.
It happens one breath at a time in between what you would have said and what you do say.
A moment of gratitude for a lightning bug or a peacock wandering by.
When you feel the tug of empathy where anger and judgment used to live.
It happens when your lessons become a lighthouse for another.
The greatest gift I can give you is you.
This is life's boldest invitation to awaken.
The only true failure lies in resisting the invitation.
Be gentle with yourself today, my friend.
Because you are going to be okay.
Copyright 2023 Brenda Zane
Thank you for being here today for doing the work required to heal your family and create conditions for change. If you'd like to go a little deeper into what exactly you can do to start making change, you can download a free ebook I wrote called Hindsight: Three Things I Wish I Knew When My Son Was Misusing Drugs.
It is full of insight and also importantly gives you ways to stay healthier and sane during this challenging time. You can download that free at brendazane.com/hindsight.
You are an amazing, strong parent and I am so honored to have you here. Please be good to yourself, and I will meet you right back here next week.