Writing H.O.M.E. – a new roadmap for parents with kids in treatment with, Solutions Parenting Support
Host: Brenda Zane, brenda@brendazane.com
Guest: Hilary Moses, MSW & Jen Murphy, M.Ed of Solutions Parenting Support
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about this episode:
Book Launch episode! The experience of parenting a child in treatment or recovery almost always feels like totally uncharted territory. And for each of us as individuals, it usually is. But what if there was a way to zoom out and find patterns within thousands of family experiences? With that insight, we might even be able to predict situations parents will find themselves in and prepare ourselves appropriately.
My guests today have done just that. Hillary Moses and Jen Murphy have a combined 40 years of experience working with kids in treatment and their families. They are co-owners of Solutions Parenting Support, and authors of the new book H.O.M.E.: Strategies for making home a SUCCESS, during and after treatment.
H.O.M.E. is not just a guidebook to chart the territory you’re in. It’s also an entire model to sustain personal growth during an incredibly difficult time.
episode resources:
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Well, guess what? I am back today with a conversation that as I was having it, I kept thinking how invaluable the information is for parents and how much I wished I had been able to hear it about six or seven years ago.
You may have heard episode number 144 called Prepare for Landing, where I spoke with Hilary Moses and Jen Murphy about the tricky time of transitioning with kids who are leaving treatment, coming home, or even while they're in treatment and you're anticipating the coming home process. What we didn't talk about, though, was the fact that they wrote a book on this exact topic.
And so I invited them back today to do a bit of a deeper dive because I know this can be such a challenging time for families. I also solicited a few questions from members in the stream and the words so that we could have a very real conversation about the things that you deal with. Because what I really don't like is when I hear people talk about things in the abstract and you're left wondering, Hmm, well, how would that actually play out in my kitchen or what would I actually say?
Literally, like, what are some words that I could use? That's what I really love about Jen and Hilary is that they have these conversations when they're coaching parents all day, every day. So they get it and they have great suggestions not only on how to think about all of this, but on what to actually do and say. Again, if I had had this information when I was in the thick of it, I really think life would have been very different.
Their new book is called HOME: Strategies for Making Home a Success During and After Treatment. It is available today. You can get it wherever you get your books online, so be sure to grab a copy. And now I will stop rambling so that you can get straight to the good stuff. Here are two incredible women who helped so many families navigate this treatment in Coming home experience.
00;03;24;02 - 00;03;47;00
Brenda
Welcome Jen and Hilary for another episode of Hope Stream. This is a really special one because we are not only celebrating the launch of your book called Home, which you're going to go into, but we're also gearing up for a big industry conference where you're going to be launching us to a lot of, I would imagine, programs to help parents who really need it. So welcome back and congratulations.
00;03;51;19 - 00;03;53;22
Guests
Thanks. Thanks for having us.
00;03;54;06 - 00;04;12;08
Brenda
I was saying to you both before we hit record that I am I have a book in my head. It just hasn't made it onto pages yet. So women are of anybody who can get a book out these days, because I also know you guys are coaching parents like 24 seven. So this is pretty amazing.
00;04;12;08 - 00;04;13;27
Guests
It's been a full year.
00;04;14;21 - 00;04;37;19
Brenda
That's probably an understatement. This is really exciting. I think there's a lot of parents who really work to do all they can to absorb and sort of soak in all that they can when their kids are struggling. And this is a unique position. I think that the timeframe in the situation that you've written this book for is really unique. And I guess I would ask just sort of to kick us off and ground, everybody. Maybe you can just share a little bit about who you wrote it for and who you think is going to benefit the most.
00;04;48;27 - 00;08;04;23
Guests
I think who's going to benefit from it the most are parents who have a child in treatment and who have a child either in a wilderness program or a therapeutic boarding school or residential treatment program who are just starting their journey in one of those programs and who are in the middle of their journey and who are ending their journey and getting ready to transition home.
So really, all areas, you know, when when a parent has either an adolescent or a young adult in those programs. And and then I would also say, though, too, I mean, I think there is great benefit for those parents who are what we call on that kind of the prevention intervention and where they might know that there's a need for intervention.
But they're trying to prevent that and trying to use more home resources. I think, you know, parts of the book are definitely very beneficial for them to. But I think, you know, the parents who have gone through the process are just starting the process. I think the book is really going to resonate with them and is really going to push them to dig deep and do some of their own work while their adolescent or their young adults is in treatment and then specifically transitioning.
You know, at the end of the book, we spend a lot of time talking about transitioning home and the benefits and the tools and all that we can give to help a parent be successful in sustaining that work. I would add, as I think about we actually wrote a part in the book and in the introduction that is focused on who is it for?
Who are we writing this for? And of course, we thought about all of the parents and families that we've supported. And one of the situations we kept coming back to is parents who we had talked to who were so worried and uncertain about what the outcome was going to be of treatment. They're still kind of grappling with the new norm that had become their lives before treatments and the challenging situations and the grief and the tension and the fear that they're going to go right back into that.
That, I think, comes up for a lot of parents who have kids in treatment. And we really wanted the book to be a companion for folks getting into the treatment process. So one feel like their know that they're not alone. We certainly share stories about other families. And and I think in part, it can be helpful to understand the expectations, know a little bit about what they're getting into, know what it is they're even looking forward to gain from the experience for themselves, not just for their child, but for themselves, and to know that it is their responsibility as parents to build some resilience, to be able to hold the ups and downs after treatment as well as they possibly can. And we wanted to speak to the fact that they can with some skills and some support and some guidance and and willingness to really delve into their own work and not just have this be an intervention that's meant to support their child's growth. That's a big part of the message is it's takes a village.
00;08;05;05
Brenda
Yes. A village of family members and helpers and therapists and providers and all of that. It truly does. I'm sure that the book is probably kind of the outpouring of all the years, because with your your entire team, I can't imagine how many years combined you must have in treatment, working in wilderness, doing coaching. And so was it kind of like we keep seeing these things come up over and over and over and we want to have something out there that parents can sort of self-serve in and tap into? Because I have to imagine that you've seen these sort of patterns of, Oh, this is where things kind of start to fall apart, or this is an area where everybody's getting tripped up. What are some of the kind of the origins of the material and how did you narrow down?
00;08;57;10 - 00;10;05;10
Guests
You're suggesting that we narrowed it down. That's code. Yeah. Well, the funny thing about the narrowing down is I think the day we finished the book, we were like, Oh, we have to say this and we want to say that. And so much more. But yeah, I mean, I think you're right. I mean, there's just between Hillary and I, you know, there's combined 40 plus years and that, you know, and we have six other coaches, you know, with significant experience, you know, and some very similar to ours.
So there is a lot of years and there's a lot of families that we've worked with over there's years. So is there themes? Absolutely. You know, there's just themes in parenting that we were able to identify and then really kind of hone in on to the idea of like, what do we do with those things? Right? Like, so we can acknowledge those themes and we can name them, but we wanted to give more awareness of what do we actually do with them and how can we give them that guidance and those tools to parent so that they can in that moment, read this page and actually implement it and do something with that knowledge so that was was definitely the goal with all of the material that we were trying to, you know, to provide.
00;10;06;09
Brenda
It is it feels very empowering, just having been in that position. And it does feel very empowering to find some words or some, you know, some themes or context or something that you can look at and say, oh, this is actually what's playing out right in front of me. And I'm not helpless to just sort of like get tossed around in the hurricane of all of the emotion and the chaos.
I mean, there are some things I can do, and I hear it all the time, and I'm sure you guys do too, is, Oh, I tried it and it worked. You know, when you hear that, it's so awesome. It's like I tried that open ended question thing and it worked. And I just love hearing that. So I can imagine that you probably felt the same and I'm sure we'll be hearing more to, you know, as people get their hands on the book.
But it's just a great feeling. And I think it's generous of you to take all of that wisdom that you've gathered over the years and and put that out there in a way that's consumable for parents to actually put into action in their families.
00;11;10;20 - 00;13;53;04
Guests
And one of our intentions was we wanted to be able to predict for parents the things that they didn't know to expect. Right. We can predict so many of the situations that they'll face, either in the preventative situation where their child's at home and they're still working on things together or during treatment or coming home from treatment to take the guesswork out of it and focus on what you can predict and thus prepare for in some ways to mitigate the amount of emotional currency that goes out like everybody's spent through this process.
And so we could come in and predict some of that. One of our sections is the common traps, right? The traps that we fall into, like the You don't trust me trap. We know that at some point every child is going to say, Well, you don't trust me. I can't go out with my friends until 2 a.m. because you don't trust me.
And you know, so walking parents through how to respond to that very predictable situation. So it's not surprising. The other thing I just wanted to note about the themes and what we're trying to do with them here. The book is called Home Strategies for Helping Home be a Success During and After Treatment, but the home is initialized, so it's h for hone.
Oh for own master E and act. When we looked at how we were all practicing as parent coaches and what some of the themes and what some of the the model like what was the model that we were all practicing or there was one and as we're taught was we're working as parent coaches. We're really trying to get parents to not need us to get them to trust themselves, to depend on their their kind of parenting wisdom.
And and so that the home model is actually a continuum of self assessment questions as you're faced with a situation, whatever the situation is, when you don't have someone there to help figure it out, you can ask yourself, Is there something about the situation about which I need to hone my understanding? Is there something in this situation that I can own?
Is there a skill that I have that I need to practice and master that can help with the situation? Or have I mastered a skill? And this is after the situation when I needed to enact it. And you can do that, you know, as a debrief for yourself or kind of predicting what's coming up in the week and preparing a little bit.
So that parents remember that, especially through all the treatment, there's a skill set that they've gained.
00;13;53;24
Brenda
I love having an acronym because I think everybody could use an acronym in really difficult times just to step through. And as a parent, if you're going through this experience for the first time, you don't know what you don't know and you guys know. So that's just so valuable to be able to have somebody who's been there before, not just as a parent, which I think is helpful as well from a peer standpoint, but on the other end of that, to really be able to look at it through a different lens and say, hey, this is likely going to come up and it's totally normal.
This is not that you're, you know, your kid's gone completely backwards. And because I think that's a common kind of misperception is when things start to kind of get creaky, when they get home, it's like, oh, no, it's all it's all breaking, it's all falling apart. Nothing worked. You know, now we're going to have to go and start over. And so just having that is huge. So in the acronym, maybe you can give us a sneak peek at some of the things like what would be an idea of what kind of thing I would need to hone.
00;15;04;20 - 00;15;44;03
Guests
What I think about the hone step. I think about honing my understanding of something, what do I need to sharpen and is it something about myself, about my own baggage that's playing a role here? So I need to hone my understanding. Is there am I responding to a behavior that's kind of the tip of the iceberg, but there's a whole bunch of stuff happening beneath the surface.
Do I need to hone understanding of what's going on for my child right now before I respond to this? You know, I think about the step of active listening and leaning in with curiosity that can help you have an understanding of what's happening so you even know what role to play if you need to play a role.
00;15;44;13
Brenda
Yes, definitely. You know, that's really helpful. I think the understanding part of it is something that it can be easy to skip over or miss when you're in a situation where you're potentially frazzled. Everything's kind of new, right? If like things are changing a lot and we tend to just rush into either decisions or actions or words. So yeah.
00;16;08;15
Guests
Especially when the consequences feel so risky.
00;16;10;29
Brenda
Yes. Yeah. So the idea of just taking a minute to think through the what do I need to understand about this? That alone feels like it could really help a lot of situations.
00;16;24;07 - 00;18;02;06
Guests
I think it's also the forcing of that critical thinking, right Like that, if we're really honing in to try to understand what's in front of us, we're going to be, you know, critically thinking. We're going to be more intellectual about what's going on in front of us versus feeling oriented. We've talked earlier about, you know, some common scenarios within your community and one common scenario, which is one that Hilary and I could predict, too, which happens often, is 18 year olds who are seniors in high school.
Right. And so we're we're parents are struggling with that. What do I do with that? Right. Like we have this quote unquote, adult, you know, who is still a high school student. And so they're trying to navigate that world of a child, most likely saying, well, I'm 18 right now. You know, a senior in high school. The reality is in human growth and development, they're just an older adolescent.
Like literally that's just what they're labeled as is an older adolescent. They haven't even hit emerging young adulthood yet. And then that ownership which comes next, right? Like, what are we going to own? Like owning our position as a parent is what the encouragement is like. What is your position as a parent having a senior in high school, and how does that change when that senior happens to be 18, which is actually pretty common, right?
Yeah. So it's knowing your position and owning it. Like what is the position I have in these topic areas, you know, whether it's curfew to how involved I am in your academics to, you know, substance use. Right. So nothing really changes with that magical number. It's only magical for the kid.
00;18;02;06
Brenda
Right.
00;18;02;27 - 00;18;23;20
Guests
And we all know as adults, it's not very magical. Right. Right. So I think for parents, it's like, let's hone in on that. Let's really think about it and then let's own your position. What is the position you have? And then that's going to be easier for you to implement if you are solid on your position. And as a parent in that particular category.
00;18;23;20
Brenda
Right. It does get really tricky. And like you said, the kids think it's this magic number. I think it would just be so helpful to have not only the book, but also I know, you know, so many of our members have worked with you as coaches just to have a seasoned person to bounce some of those things off of and to say, hmm, this is what he or she is saying or believing or being told by friends or whatever it is.
What's the reality here? Because as you have seen, this happened time after time after time after time after year. And we as parents are just experiencing it for the very first time. And it's like, oh, you know, it just feels so kind of unknown. So just having that a seasoned ally next to you to figure out some of that out feels really important. And, and yeah, just owning. I think it is common to start to feel like we don't own anything at that 18 But I'm talking specifically about the 18 year old high school senior like I guess, you know, everything's out of my control now and I think what I'm hearing you say is, Oh no, no, no. That's not true.
00;19;32;03 - 00;21;19;17
Guests
Not true. And it's interesting because I find parents at times they will lean into that like, well, they're 18, what can I do about it? And sometimes it becomes a reason to not parent around something because it feels hard. You know, technology use is a huge one. Sometimes I'll ask folks to start their thinking process by asking if you're going to offer the, you know, they're 18, what am I going to do about it?
The privilege and freedom. What can you do to match that with a responsibility, right? So that it's not just with the privileges of I'm never monitoring your screens. You can have it in your room all night. You know, this, that and the other. What are the responsibilities? And we talk about one of the questions to consider as you're deciding as a parent, what role you want to play in a situation.
What might I need to see to get to. Yes. On this. So kid wants, you know, the phone in the room all night long. Kid wants medical marijuana, whatever it is. If it's possible for me to get a yes, what might I need to see to get to yes? And so for me to support this and there are things that you don't have to get to.
Yes. All right. You're allowed to also just say no. But I might need to see you take over your car payment, your car insurance, and show financial responsibility in these ways and take these bills on because I don't want your medical marijuana to be a line item in my budget. But right now, when I'm covering all of your expenses and you're saying, well, I'm going to pay for it, I can buy my own weed, it's because I'm paying for all of your expenses, Right?
00;21;19;18
Brenda
You're living has been supplemented by by my paycheck.
00;21;24;04 - 00;21;32;27
Guests
Right? Yes.
00;21;32;27
Brenda
Hi. I'm taking a quick break because I want to let you know about the private online community I created and host for moms who have kids misusing drugs or alcohol. It's where I hang out between the episodes. So I wanted to share a little bit about it. This place is called The Stream, and it isn't a Facebook group.
It's completely private away from all social media sites where you start to take care of yourself. Because through all of this, who is taking care of you? The stream is a place where we teach the craft, approach and skills to help you have better conversations and relationships, and we help you get as physically, mentally and spiritually healthy as possible so that you can be even stronger for your son or daughter.
You can join us free for two weeks to see if it's the right kind of support for you and learn more about all the benefits that you get as a member at the Stream community dot com. And I'll see you there. Now let's get back to the conversation.
00;22;39;06 - 00;23;25;28
Guests
As our kids are asking for privilege, then we need to increase responsibility. And as we increase responsibility, they get more privilege. And it's very similar to how we as adults live our lives. If you really think about it right, like if I have more privilege to have a large home with a large mortgage, then I have more responsibility to that large home and that large mortgage, right?
Like it's just a cycle that we live in. And so can we master that skill of teaching our kids? This is what comes with privilege. It's just more responsibility. And then the more responsibility you get, the more privilege you gain. So that's that idea, like, let's look at these skills and practice them so that we can master them.
00;23;25;28
Brenda
Yeah, yes, definitely. The collective parenting, I think that can get forgotten and that we we feel like as parents, why I have to have all the answers. I have to get all this figured out and then I'm going to kind of dump it or announce it or launch it. Like, here's the new way of being in this house, which can't feel good from on the receiving end.
00;23;47;05 - 00;24;50;05
Guests
The power of the purse and financial responsibility is such an easy one for us to talk about. And some parents aren't willing to use that. And I think that's their that's their right. And then you the next step is to figure out, well, then what what fits within your values that you can use. And so what I might need to see to get to.
Yes, if it's not pay these three bills for five months so I can see that you could be responsible. It might be I need to see balanced, healthy living for a period of time, which looks like you actually going to the gym. You remember when we made a home agreement and you said you are going through good times a week, right?
So let's define balanced, healthy living. And in order for me to support, you know, whatever it is, medical marijuana, I would need to see that because all of that indicates that you're also using other skills to manage the anxiety that your medicine. Yes. Then I would say, let's be clear. Our kids, even if they're getting medical cards, they're not using it for medicine. They're using it recreationally for the most part. Yes.
00;24;50;05
Brenda
Right. And your brain is still 18 years old, whether you have a medical card or not. And it's you know, all the research shows that not good on a teenage brain. What about the enact, then? Because I think that's sometimes where I see people get stuck. I know I got stuck like I had all these great intentions. You know, I thought I had a good plan, but I could not make it happen.
I just was I was so scared my son would be volatile. I didn't know how anything was going to land. I didn't know how I was going to go. You know, it was just really terrifying to, like, think about. Now I have to enact this plan. So what are some of the thoughts on how we can do that better?
00;25;32;12 - 00;25;54;17
Guests
Remember that sometimes enacting is enacting self-compassion. We can't do it well all the time. And so, you know, maybe check in about what it is you need to be enacting in that moment and maybe it's self-regulation and a reset and a therapy session and a pep talk, and then I'll try again tomorrow. So maybe I'm enacting a let's keep trying attitude style.
00;25;54;18
Brenda
I like that. I love that. Yeah.
00;25;58;07 - 00;27;06;08
Guests
And I think when you are ready as a parent, the enacting piece, if we go with the idea of how can we be repetitive in our in our parenting? And sometimes I think that's the enacting piece, right? Like so, you know, just a common statement of I hear you want a medical marijuana card to manage your anxiety. I know your anxiety is real.
I'm unwilling to provide you that resource for your anxiety. I am willing to provide you therapy. I'm willing to provide you a psychiatrist. Right. There's usually a long list of things that parents are willing to provide and usually just a short list, but it's just concrete and clear of what we're not willing to provide. So for me that in acting is that just repetitiveness of I'm just going to say the same thing over and over.
I hear the anxieties real. I believe it's real. I'm just unwilling to provide you that resource to manage your anxiety. So that's what I mean by like, that's for me, that's the in acting sometimes can we just get repetitive and not feel like we have to have ten different answers to really the same question, which is why won't you give me money for my medical marijuana?
00;27;06;17
Brenda
Yeah.
00;27;07;07 - 00;27;07;20
Guests
You know, one.
00;27;07;20
Brenda
Hundred percent.
00;27;08;23 - 00;27;17;21
Guests
Of what you support my medical marijuana card. So, you know, it's the idea of as parents, it's that quieting and that repetitiveness that actually serves us.
00;27;17;21
Brenda
Yeah. What I want to support is your health and managing the different parts of your mental health and whatever it is. So it's not that you're necessarily saying no to the medical marijuana. You would be saying no to anything that was potentially taking you in the wrong direction, because at least I know from my experience, our kids are brilliant negotiators and really, really good at sort of that.
Like I call it pecking, like it just keeps coming back to the one thing.
00;27;52;10 - 00;28;49;06
Guests
Which one of that just to sidestep into that kind of situation and a strategy is we know your kids are the grand negotiators and you know, it's going to come to start with it. You know, they ask the question and to buy yourself time and to be the pressure valve release for them and say, well, I know you probably are the you've thought through every angle on this, so give me everything you've got.
I want to hear everything you've thought of. You've probably thought what I'm going to say and you have a response to that. So let me hear it, because you think through these things really fully. And so while that's happening, it also allows us to have our mantra is breathe, listen, you don't have to solve it. You don't have to negotiate back.
You know what? The line is that you're going to enact, but you start with it rather than get into it accidentally. Even though it's predictable.
00;28;49;21
Brenda
It's like stepping into a landmine that you can see the landmine and you still step into it. That's that's super smart, too. I love the preempting it like, okay, give me everything you got. Like, give me the research, give me the data. Because they are, I think at least everybody that I have talked to when we describe our kids, it's almost like we're describing the same kid for the most part, just so intelligent, so passionate.
00;29;15;25 - 00;29;38;23
Brenda
So, you know, if they want something, they will research it to death and know all of the angles and all the laws of the Gita. So I love that strategy of starting with it. And it does give you time to Oh wow, that's really like, does give you a little bit of like space to start the conversation instead of lobbing into it like in a power struggle from the beginning.
00;29;39;16 - 00;30;24;17
Guests
It's interesting because I think we we all are like that in adolescence, right? We were like that. Like we had this skill to be the judge, jury, defense attorney and prosecutor all in the same conversation. We've just lost that skill appropriately as adults, but we're still engaged in it with our kids. So for me, it really is like we're just not skilled enough to enter that conversation without our own skills.
Like the one Hillary just gave or the recognition of like, okay, I'm not going to win in that ring. So I have to find my own skills to be able to gracefully move myself out of it and not to participate in a way that's not going to serve me well.
00;30;24;17
Brenda
I think that's a skill that works not just with kids. I feel like it could be a very valid strategy for other people as well. So I know we don't have too much time left, but there's another situation that I hear of quite frequently, which is, you know, kids go to treatment, they're in treatment. And sometimes it's just a short stay for whatever reason, whether it's because the kid comes home and it's unexpectedly on their own, which is what I dealt with.
Or, you know, it's just it's just a short stay. And mom and dad or whoever or the parents are just not ready. They just don't feel equipped like, oh, you know, I'm just kind of reeling from the PTSD that happened from everything that's happened to get us here. They were in treatment. All we could get was three weeks or four weeks, and now they're coming home.
00;31;16;24 - 00;31;39;10
Brenda
And I'm terrified. And I just don't even know if I'm ready. I see this and there's just this. You can see the look of panic on the face and just almost anticipating like this. It's all just going to unravel. I'm sure you probably have that. What do you say to somebody like that? Because it's a very real situation.
I think it's really also very scary.
00;31;42;12 - 00;33;56;03
Guests
It's a great question. I would want I want to think about it more. My first thought is if there is an intact co-parenting team in the home, that the recognition that I don't really want it to come across this way. But the only visual I can think of, but that you're in a war zone and you're in the trenches together and you're the only ones in the trench together.
And so maybe prioritizing, understanding how you can be in the trenches well together as a priority, where you might not be able to mitigate the child's behaviors and those risks the way that you want to right off the bat. But if you have a solid team member to fall back on like your community and you have at least one person in the trenches, that the primary thing to focus on is how are we valuing and supporting each other through this war zone, to me would be a primary thing to focus on.
And I think it's interesting because even with families whose children did 15 weeks or 15 months of treatment, they come back to the same thing, right? They still experience that anxiety, the nervousness, that kind of the emotions from the past situations and the resilience being able to identify what you need to build resilience to hold the ups and downs and accept that that's part of the picture.
Again, even if there was 15 months of treatment, I think the piece that I would add to that and this I hope I hope this statement can come to show our passion in parents knowing that they don't have to do this alone. Like this is why we started doing this, you know, 12 years ago, so that parents didn't have to do this work alone.
And there could be people like us to support. And so whether it's solutions or another person like solutions, like get that support, I mean, it really changes everything drastically to have that additional professional support who can be in the trenches with. Yeah.
00;33;56;14
Brenda
Well, I just read Hillary's little Zoom name, which is she, her slash compassionate badass, which pretty much just sums up exactly what you were just saying. I love that because there is so much compassion when you're working with somebody and in that badassery of like, Oh, sister, I've seen this 50 times. Let me just tell you how this might go.
I might say that is going go this way, but here's how it might go and here's how you might start to think about this. I just think I was just perfect timing that I just happened to read that you were saying that. But it is. It is. I kind of think about it as having a Sherpa along with you. Right. Like you're not out there alone in the weather and the unknown territory and the, you know, all of the circumstances that crop up that you couldn't possibly predict to have somebody alongside who is calm, competent, not emotionally attached to your child, which for me was the best thing to hear, somebody to say, well, this, this and this.
00;35;04;03 - 00;35;25;05
Brenda
And I was like you know what? That's actually true. But I couldn't get there because I'm so emotionally attached and I just couldn't, you know, get my my head in that space. So, yes, huge, huge benefit of having somebody to walk the I sometimes say journey, but I think Journey is really like a journey sounds fun to me and sort of exciting.
So I was called a roller coaster. It's a super scary, but you got a good seatbelt on and then it makes it better. So. Well, I know I have to let you go because you got lots of parents probably on hold waiting for you to get off. What would you say to a parent who is kind of in that zone of, you know, it might not be crazy, like my life might be pretty good, their kids in treatment or getting ready to go to treatment and, you know, they're trying to best equip themselves for the roller coaster.
What would be a word or two of inspiration or wisdom for them?
00;36;04;09 - 00;37;06;18
Guests
I think I'll anchor back to something I've already said, which is also in the book, and I use it all the time, is to be the steward of the let's keep trying attitude for yourselves and your kids. That's hugely important. We want our book to be successful, but we wrote it with purpose. We wrote it so that book could help answer that statement for us, which is there's a ton of material in there to allow parents the opportunity to gain so much knowledge about what they're going through and where they want to be, you know, and how do they get there.
And so I think that there's it's just so valuable. And that's that's our hope is that there's a ton of value in reading that book. Again, whether you're thinking about, you know, different type of treatment options, you're in it, you just started it, you're in the middle of it and you're ending it. Like that was the goal that we would be able to touch.
You know, all of those parents in those different areas of this journey, you know, the path that they're on.
00;37;07;11
Brenda
It will be available for purchase wherever you buy your books online and the title again is Home. And I know there's another part to it.
00;37;15;07 - 00;37;20;03
Guests
Strategies for Helping Home Buyer Success during and After Treatment.
00;37;20;03 - 00;37;33;24
Brenda
Awesome Love it. Love it. Love it. Well, thank you for hopping on during this busy time and sharing this with us and we look forward to the book and just getting more, more parent supported during a really difficult time of life.
00;37;34;09 - 00;37;36;15
Guests
Thanks a lot, Brenda. Thanks for having us.
00;37;37;00
Brenda
Thank you. Okay. That is it for today, if you would like to get the show notes for this episode, you can go to Brenda Zane dot com forward slash podcast. All of the episodes are listed there and you can also find curated playlists there, so that's very helpful. You might also want to download a free e-book I wrote. It's called Hindsight Three Things I Wish I Knew when My Son Was Misusing Drugs.
It'll give you some insight as to why your son or daughter might be doing what they are. And importantly, it gives you tips on how to cope and how to be more healthy through this rough time. You can grab that free from Brenda's income. Forget hindsight. Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate it. And I hope that these episodes are helping you stay strong and be very, very good to yourself.
And I will meet you right back here next week.